there is no title

how i love how he tries to conceal a ‘pasalubong’

from behind his back

with a sheepish grin on his face.

there is nothing more cuter in the world,

to see him struggle to hide

only to surprise me so he could watch how i would react

with a box of sambas.

yes, sambas. we love sambas like crazy.

and how on nights when i’m not in the mood

and throw hissy fits for no particular reason,

he’s just there, holding me. looking at me,

staring at my eyes, lovingly,

asking me what he could do to make me feel better.

i am pacified every single time,

well not always, but he can make me.

yes, i can be difficult. but he understands, every time.

i could go on and on, see. this doesn’t have to be a poem

even though it is trying hard to look like one

but i can’t help it; to be shrouded in love,  and like this

and typing the words without really trying

or thinking. type, of love, and of words

that hold no meaning to everybody else

but it does, to me.

yes, i do not know how to write a poem.

so this might happen (and will) on nights like this

when i am alone (but not really) and overwhelmed

with such joy from being loved

as mushy as it sounds

it does have that effect on people, see.

randomly creating words and phrases

to explain little everyday things, and about who makes them happy.

yes, of course. for instance, and i reiterate

i do not know how to write. yet again, on nights like this

i remember the firsts; how on a night he told me

how pretty i looked, or how nice my smile was.

he never ran out of compliments. well, he never runs out

of words as i do. he always have something nice to say

about anybody. that is how adorable he is

to say the least. and that’s not all he is.

and again, i could go on and on about him, and me.

but i know that at some point this has to end somewhere.

but of course, not ‘us’ and how could it?

i suppose when i run out of things to type

like what is happening now

i just want to end it with this:

i am in love with him, still.

kim’s GAS attacks

i don’t know why but for some reason, kim’s GAS-ses have always fascinated me. i take pictures of them, and love it when kim plays geetar on petiks days.

this is his current pedalboard setup. i got him the korg pitchblack tuner for christmas of 2009, the pedaltrain for christmas of 2010, and the tc nova delay for his birthday/my anniv gift/post christmas gift a week later.

latest addition to the board is that big blue valveboy he got from leech the GAS king!

the pedalboard

this was his old pedalboard.

old pedalboard

he is currently selling these:

the vox cooltron duel overdrive for 6k. (still super neg!)

vox cooltron dual overdrive

Boston Compressor 200 series - 1.5k (mint)
Boss GE-7 - 3k 6/10
Boss OD-2 - 2.5 K
Behringer Noise gate - 1.2 k (mint)

Boss DD-2 - 3K

so anyway, if you guys and gals are interested in any of them, please let us know by contacting us through:

YM:

bianxraquel

GLOBE NUMBER:

0927 921 26 46

ain’t he the cutest little doggie? =)

i haven’t been here for so long…

so, let me start off with a pic from last night’s nomnom sessions with mister AC along and lovely wife sarah.

nomnom at ac's crib

ac’s cup is teh rawks. it’s all skulls and bones. handle is backbone. not very clear on the photo but we want one! he says he bought it from australia. satan satan!

meanwhile, akelle is reaching over to get some fish tofu from the transparent bowl over thurr. and oh man, fish tofu is yum! must get some from cherry’s sometime.

i guess i have nothing else to say at the moment. it’s almost lunch and i’m famished. need. food. now.

there is an appointed time for everything

thursday, 4 AM. i couldn’t sleep. i took the bible, flipped it open and read the first verse i saw:

“there is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair on the heavens.”

how reminiscent of what has recently happened. with the passing of akelle’s mom and grandpa, i am reminded of how short life is, and that you’ll never know. if it’s your time, it is, according to his Will. i continued to read:

“a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant;

a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

a time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace and a time to be far from embraces.

a time to seek and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away.

a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

i miss akelle’s mom. i miss how she and akelle used to joke around, like they were just barkadas. i miss how she once jokingly said to akelle, “lumaki ka lang ng konti, yumabang ka na” during one of akelle’s goofing around modes. i laughed so hard. akelle had, of course, a counter attack (e.g. if he catches tita using his computer, he would say: “ay meron tayong customer, bente pesos po ang isang oras ma’am”  and his siblings would all laugh along) tita minerva had a way of kidding around with her children, and still maintain a straight face while cracking witty jokes and whatnots. she was that cool a mom. 

i also remembered how we talked about her job, of how she was loving her work, of the people she worked with. i remember a night, just past 10 pm, she was all prepped up for work when she asked me if i could get her blood pressure as the second of the eldest son, esan, was not home at that time. i remember taking it and asking her if she had maintenance medications to which she said yes. that was the time that i found out she was hypertensive. but, regardless of her  hypertension, i never saw heard her complain, or saw her in a great deal of stress. she always had a happy, jolly mode (still, despite the straight face)

i miss how when we get home from our weekend swimming, i would see her reading the newspaper just outside the front door, or doing her make up. or when we get home from one of our dinner dates, akelle would open his bedroom door and see his mom watching tv while doing her nails, or be on the computer for hours on end. 

i remember how she used to bring me lunch even when akelle is at work. she would offer lunch, or merienda, knowing that i haven’t eaten for the day. the last meal she ever made was a concoction of chicken and pork, nilaga style. with corn on the cob and other ingredients i do not remember.

and how could i forget the JS, justice secretary? grandpa was 89-years old. that fact alone, says a great deal. he was so strong at an age which you would not imagine ever reaching, someday. hey, given the lifestyle and environmental pollution and natural disasters happening today, i don’t think i’ll ever live to see 80.

we never had too many verbal exchanges, save for that night when akelle introduced me to him as his ‘girlfriend’. it’s not that i didn’t want to chat; i just didn’t know how to. it has always been the case for me, even in my family, as i’m not very vocal with the elderly not because i had any disdain, but because i’m overly shy and/or just have nothing to say. so, months passed by with very little hello. 

grandpa always had this necklace of keys (the keys for all the doors and the cabinets and the gate of the house) dangling from his neck, so you’d know, in an instant, that he’s walking towards your direction. 

he was very fond of toasts. i still didn’t understand why he preferred to keep his oven toaster inside akelle’s room, when just outside akelle’s room is the kitchen. i like to think that he just wanted to use the toaster as an excuse to get inside akelle’s room and make lambing. =)

the last encounter i’ve had with JS save for the last time i saw him at his hospital bed, was when he was trying to haul his new wicker-like recliner bought by auntuz/tata for him, inside his room. he had his walker on 1 hand, and the chair on the other. he was calling esan to help but esan was out of earshot. i was just making my way out the door when i heard him struggling. i immediately took the chair from his hand, folded it, asked where i would place it. thank you, he said. grandpa was the sweetest. shy that i was, i said sige po mauuna na po ako, and went to work.

“what now is has already been, what is to be, already is; and God restores what would otherwise be displaced.”

i miss akelle’s mommy and grandpa. i wish i could’ve known them a little more longer, but i know that it was His will, and that someday we would all meet again. 

public declaration on http://www.<insert site here>.com

and again, i haven’t posted in awhile. i suppose there aren’t too many things to say, except for the occasional “i love akelle” posts that i have never been, not even once, ashamed of posting.

but this morning after work, i just had this overwhelming sense of love that i just had to blurt it out in three social networking sites that i frequently visit: this, twitter, and FB. i have posted this:

Bianca Angelica Raquel Rilloraza has never known happiness, until she met Akelle. - Corny, but I just had to say it out loud. Now I know what “no words could possibly describe it”, means. There really are no words; only poor attempts at trying to come up with adjectives to define the feeling.


and why would i not? apart from the fact that i have no ‘real’ social life other than akelle’s friends, and the people i interact with at my new office (yes, finally, i’ve another ‘real’ job after a year of hiatus), the Internet has always been one of my comfort zones, a ‘place’ where i could just be myself and publicly announce little tidbits of my life without having the need to be physically there.

yes, it gets tiring to read about a gazillion others’ love rants online, and i am contributing to the tediousness of it all. but honestly, i couldn’t care less if the whole internet community reads what i have to say about my love, my akelle. because, even if these lines have already been said before, by previous loves who have come and gone, today and moving forward, i am owning the right to say it now. that i love him, i am in love with him. and my heart, is his, for as long as he would take it, for as long as he would want me.

i was the girl who cried wolf so many times.

not anymore.

you are my sleepasil.

but no, not tonight. no arm
underneath my nape tonight
no warmth of your breath on
my ear. no friction between
your skin,
and mine.

so no,
slumber will not come tonight.
no sound of ‘patapon’ or you
complaining about how you lost
all your men.

pata-pata-pata-pon

no, not tonight. for tonight
is your own, and the sheets
are yours alone.

you are my sleepasil.
and i am not getting anything else
despite the countless options,
other brands, same function.
no, i am not getting another sleeping
aid
other than this.

zzz.

brainfart #23

wag umiyak bago matulog kung ayaw mahirapan sa paghinga. bumabara kasi.

ping test. ping test. and why do i even bother? i’ve only added two networks as of the moment. *teehee*

…

i haven’t updated my tumblr in awhile. as if i have a loyal group of followers. nada!

but, to say the least about what’s been going on for the past few months, i am very happy and very contented with the way things are.  i could finally say, given my twenty - six years of life in this earth, that i am truly very happy because (in the context of a tangible reality) of akelle. he has been nothing but kind to me, and he does everything he could to ensure that i don’t ever get lonely.

of course, that’s just one small part of everything else that is bianx.  i still have yet to prove myself to everybody else, to the world, of what i can do and what i am expected to do.  the usual. make a name for myself, earn enough to sustain my own needs, save up until such time that settling down becomes the next logical step.

and i am far from that. regardless of the love that i am receiving right now, i know that what i can give and what i have to offer is not enough.  i have already set my mind about leaving the country soon to pursue my nursing career, and do everything as stated in the above paragraph. sure, if i had a choice, i wouldn’t want to leave anymore.  but there are things that must be done regardless of reluctance.

formspring.me

Ask me anything. =P http://formspring.me/bianxraquel

if you advertise, they will follow

kakoo’s:

http://formspring.me/bianxraquel

www.twitter.com/bianxraquel

http://bianxraquel.tumblr.com

kim’s:

http://formspring.me/akelle

www.twitter.com/AKLZero

http://antischematic.tumblr.com

atbp:

www.filipinometal.com

http://audiorage.net

kim’s first tattoo

kim’s first ever tattoo. he have always wanted to get an arowana tat. dream come true. =)

it’s still half finished though. my camera got busted during the middle of it. wasn’t able to get pictures of the half-done tattoo. black, grey and blue colors done.

we arrived at joey’s place a little over four. since he had a client then, we had to wait for him to finish. we ate halu-halo and dinner was at kowloon’s visayas. at about 9pm the session started.

kim had to endure 5 hours minus the yosi breaks. he was determined to have the whole thing done, but when joey, the tattoo artist took a break (who had to talk on the phone for an hour), the pain started to sink in and kim couldn’t endure any more. we left the place at about 4 AM.

here are some pics!

will be posting pictures as soon as this is done! in two weeks’ time, i’m sure this tattoo will look awesome. i’m loving it. loving the fact that kim is very happy with his tat.

isn’t he the cutest? =)

brainfart #11 and # 11.5, respectively

brainfart # 11: i could not imagine life the way it is now, if it weren’t for you.

brainfart # 11.5: …and i would not want to find out what my life would be like, if you are not in it.

things that i miss most about la union.

the views. places. sunsets. cheap booze. great food. warm people.

Catharsis and Hellmet Productions present UNITED WE STAND (Part 2)



Part 2

featuring


Bane
Bersikulo
Deflower
D.O.A.
Demonkid
Deepsleep
Dreaded Mortuary
Eternal Now
Hampaslupa
Last Lie Told
Legion
Lycanthra
Mortalfear
Piledriver
Resurrected
Tubero




Php 100 / Beer
Center for Arts, Timog
April 24, 2010
Saturday

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY